Often we want to blame God for everything that happens in our life. In that regard, we give God credit that He doesn't deserve. I do understand that God gives us free will. The right to say yes and equal right to say no. I was at a funeral yesterday and a woman said, "God wouldn't let me eat," and the pastor leaned over to me and said, "That wasn't God's fault. God doesn't starve people." And he was so right. The good news in this woman's story is that God kept her from self destruction while she was locked into depression. I remember in Helen Baylor's Testimony, she said something quite profound, "God loosed me long enough to make an intelligent decision." WOW, she and God were both actors in her recovery from addiction. That is an awesome relationship we have with God. He allows us to participate actively in our lives.
At that same funeral yesterday, Pastor Darrius Brooks made remarks that were so powerful that I have not been able to shake them. He wrote the song "Your Will" He said, "In ALL things, God knows what's best for me." ALL things, the good, the bad, the ugly...
Yes, I believe that God knows, but in this knowing, I also understand I am free to make my own decisions. That's another awesome thing about God, He oversees, but doesn't micromanage our decisions. Sometimes we want and even pray for the things that will take us further away from who God wants us to be. There is a verse in the song that says, "What I want may hurt me, and God won't let me go out like that." It's complicated isn't it? God gives us free will, but as overseer He gives us just what we need at that particular time in our journey. Mama used to say, "Just enough rope to hang yourself." How ironic, don't you think? Some of us would have self-destructed a long time ago if all the factors were in place.
I know I'm all over the place this morning, but I just wanted to share some thoughts with you. I understand that God's will is what's best for me. And no, I'm not saying that God wanted me to have HIV/AIDS. God wants what is best for us and having AIDS is not good. My free will, the right to say yes, literally got me HIV. But God created a goodness out of my HIV status. This is what I am saying, that God knew how my life would play out, and while I was making bad decisions, He was paving a way to use my bad decision for His glory. And actually, I still had the right to say yes or no to God's call for my life. Now that is an awesome God. I'm just glad that I eventually caught up with God. I began to see myself as God intended...