Last night, after listening to
Deepak Chopra speak at the
Soul of Leadership lecture, I was in deep thought all night about my journey, my purpose, and my pain. I asked him point blank if he had any advice for me. He said, "Keep telling your story. Keep inspiring."
His advice was simple: Keep doing you. I needed to hear that because sometimes we get lost along the way. The journey itself begins to take a toll and you start to wonder if God has left you in the wilderness all alone.
You keep doing the work but you start to wonder if you are singing an old song off key, just like karaoke, with no meaningful purpose. I have felt this way, especially during this period where speaking engagements are at an all time low and it seems like the Black media have locked me out of the press. (With the exception of Ebony/Jet which has been consistent over the years)
I talk to my best friend
Luke, who works in media, about it all the time. He thinks that on one level, some of it is age discrimination. I will be 49 in May, and when "young" was in my title, I was in demand, demand, demand. And on another level, today's culture is always looking for the next best thing, looking for the next Rae Lewis-Thornton instead of utilizing all of my wisdom and knowledge of Rae Lewis-Thornton. And yet on another level, utilizing me means they will have to face the hard facts and deal with substance rather than fluff. And I'm not sure if we really want to deal with the hard reality of this disease in our community and have a honest discussion on how to change the fact that we are 13% of the population and 46% of the HIV cases in this country.
Come on, think about all that I have to offer. I was infected at the beginning of the AIDS epidemic in the United States and I have lived the span of this disease up close and personal. And let me honest, I'm one of the most articulate and knowledgeable, not just woman, but persons in the United States living with HIV and AIDS for almost the entire span of this disease. Why wouldn't I be utilized? Why would Essence put me on the cover of their magazine as the first black woman to tell her story, and it was one of the highest selling December issues ever, but they have never invited me to speak at the
Essence Summer Music Festival or honored my work with an Essence Award? And as far as that's concerned the NAACP can be put right there in the same category. The combined years of my political activism with my AIDS activism would surely put me in the running for an
Image Award. I mean, I have an
Emmy Award in "Outstanding Feature Series in Hard News" for my first-person series on living with AIDS, but no major African-American organization has recognized my work.
And since I'm calling roll, honestly, even my sorority has dropped the ball. I remember when I was inducted into
Delta Sigma Theta as a honorary member on my "lifetime achievement to help improve the human condition" ten years ago, I was the best thing since sliced bread and HIV/AIDS was one of our major service issues. Now, when Black women are 72% of all new cases of women infected with HIV, and AIDS is the leading cause of death for Black women between the ages of 25 and 44, it is not even on the table! And when I ask, I'm told, "Well, we did that." It's discouraging!
And I will not let traditional AIDS organizations off the hook either. I have only been invited to speak at one national AIDS conference ever in the 17 years I have been speaking. I believe that's because I'm so damn candid. I don't pull punches about the disparities in this country with HIV/AIDS among African-Americans and the lack of resources for us to draw upon. I challenge them to address the difference in culture issues that should not be overlooked in prevention work within the Black community. The
United States Conference on AIDS is in Chicago this year and I have not been asked to participate in any way. Yes, all of this, combined with the fact I have $70 in the bank makes me wonder about my purpose.
But then
Deepak's words were clear, "Keep telling your story." And for sure I have never stopped. Even when the speaking engagements dried up I took my message to social media, and in just a year's time, I have done some groundbreaking work utilizing these awesome tools of Facebook, Twitter and blogging. Deepak also confirmed the power of social media as a tool. In fact, I was able to see
Deepak because I won the ticket on
Twitter. Deepak states, "The entangled mind is influenced by social media." And when I get a tweet from someone who was inspired to go get tested, or to use a condom, or to keep pressing on because of my tweets, then I know that I have done what I am supposed to do.
I shared all of this so you could really see what's going on in my life. There's no point in hiding in the truth. I do the work because I know that this is my purpose in life and even when traditional methods seem no longer available, I press on. Deepak said that "A leader is an agent of change by definition." So today I am even more renewed in my work. I will continue to be an agent of change even if it's one tweet at a time.
On personal growth,
Deepak suggests to us all that while human beings are self-aware, we can also self-regulate, that we have to see the future with intent. If I am going to continue to make headway in this work, I must stop and take some time for self-growth. Sometimes I stay so tangled in the busyness and the panic of how I'm going to pay my bills, I can't see the road ahead of me. That has got to change if I want to maximize my potential. As my starting point, I will dive into Deepak's latest book,
The Soul of Leadership. The next thing I'm going to do is add meditation into my life. It is a requirement in all of his leadership classes.
Meditation will help me get my mind away from the busyness. Now I gotta be honest, I need help in that area because I can barely sit still to pee. So I will be in search of guidance, #ForReal.
I am so glad that I braved the cold on public transportation to hear
Deepak Chopra. His wisdom has been sealed in my heart. The Power of Social Media!
Tea began as medicine and morphed into a beverage of choice!
I don't quite remember when I fell in love with tea but I do remember the most 
Until recently I had never drank Peppermint Tea made with loose leaves. And Honestly, I will probably never go back. The freshness of loose Peppermint Tea cannot be denied. When I open the can of 
I love to read! Inside a book I escape into someone else's life. There is something wonderful about turning to the next page of a wonderful story. Something intoxicating about the smell of the book and the story it brings to life. Reading brings me joy, and these days with my health in the balance, I find solace in my books.
