Trusting Could Be Deadly...

I didn't think anyone could shock my ass. I mean I'm the shock queen. But the other day, I was like are you kidding me? But now that I think about it, I should have remembered everything that I always knew to be true. But I have to admit that I had even bought into the madness. Looking back, I wonder why? Was it wishful thinking on my part? Was I just willing to give someone a chance, the benefit of the doubt?

Well, whatever the case, I was crudely reminded that the only person in the 21st century you can give the benefit of the doubt is yourself. I mean with sexually transmitted diseases lurking every doggone where, giving someone a chance is risk taking at its best. And in the end, could be a deadly. Putting your faith in man, rather than what you know to be true is a grave mistake, and could cost more than you are willing to pay.

So let me tell you what happened, I was having a conversation with a girl friend and every now and then I would mention her Sweetie. For some reason his name had escaped me, but every time I said your Sweetie she responded. And this guy was a Sweetie. I mean everything a woman could ask for. Tall, dark and handsome with a heart of gold. He was the perfect gentleman all the time. And did I say the man was educated and very gainfully employed?

I was so happy for her, she could not have done any better. I mean didn't everyone deserve a man like this? He has this beautiful smile and this swag that was part GQ and Afro-centric all wrapped into one. As she and I were talking, I finally asked, "So how is the commuting working out?" He had moved out of town about a year ago and they had started commuting their already 3 year relationship.

She paused and then said, "Girl you talking about Tyrone?" She added, "Girl we haven't been together in a year." I stopped in my tracks. HUH? FOR REAL? WOW! But they were a great duo, like Oreo Cookies and a nice glass of ice cold milk.

I stood in shock. She began talking again. "Girl he's engaged to be married. He got engaged a few months after he moved." I started doing the math in my head. Had he been dating this woman all along? Huh? Did he move there to be with her? I had to sit down on this one.

I was in complete and utter shock. Come to find out the woman he was engaged to is the same woman he was having an affair with when he was married. HUH? I was speechless. I didn't know what to say. My mouth dropped open. She went on, "Girl that ain't the half of it." And she told me more and more about other women coming out of the woodwork.

My head was spinning. I was speechless for a long time, just listening. I finally mumbled, "You were using condoms?" She hesitated, "Yeah, ummm some of the times." And then she added, "Well, in the end I was all the time because something seemed off."

I wanted to say so much more, but I just couldn't. Can't undo what's been done. So I ended the conversation with, "So how do you feel about all of this, I mean not using a condom, trusting him?" She said, "Well, I'm not having sex now. I'm ok being alone."

She hadn't really answered my question. I dropped it. No need pouring salt into an open wound. I was sad that this had happened to her. I have known her since forever and she is like a little sister to me. But we all have to make our own decisions about our own life and the consequences are no joking matter.

Trusting could be deadly. This situation speaks to everything I have been saying since forever: I hope that what you think you know about your partner is true.

But I see this all the time. Women insist on condoms in the beginning. But once the relationship has some time behind it and it seems to be progressing, we let our guard down. Maybe we believe we are building a relationship on trust.

And then you ask, well how much time is enough time before you let your guard down? I mean, we say to ourselves, we have been dating for a year or two and in her case three.

My answer to this is a matter of fact, if you are dating a man for 2 to 3 years and marriage is not on the table, then you are wasting your pretty. You are giving him the best of you with very little in return. And don't insult me by saying you're not ready for marriage. Bullshit! No one wants to date for the rest of their life. And if you ain't talking seriously about marriage, then it's not serious enough to have sex without a condom.

The bottom line is this... Condoms until you get married!! Bottom freaking line! And I promise to write a blog soon about marriage and condoms. I have something to say there too.

We spend a lot of time living in a whole lot of arrogance, denial and false sense of security. For Real! What do I have to do or say to get you to see if the penis ain't in your pocket you have NO idea what it's doing when it ain't with you.

STOP!!! STOP!! Putting your life at risk for a dick!! There is NO penis worth your life. If a man respects and values you, he will agree to use a condom upon your request.

And if a man doesn't respect your decision, your choice about your body and life to use a condom, then why would you even give your body to such a man?

And btw.. This friend has been around me since forever, she has seen me so sick that I cannot hold my body up. What is this? We think it can't happen to us... until it happens to us... That's some crazy ass risktaking. Why is the need to have a man more important than loving yourself!

Damn... When you set a standard and live by it, God will send you someone who will love you and the values you bring. It begins with self-love and trickles down... What I know for sure is... The only thing you can trust for sure is God and you. Otherwise... Trusting Could Be Deadly!