I was working on another blog this morning that I was struggling with and because of the struggle, I spent most of my time watching one of my favorite television shows,
House.
I love that guy because he's wonderfully complicated, just like life. And while most of the time he seems to be black and white, there is a lot of grey area in between the black and white. Unfortunately, people don't always see the in between because they are so busy passing judgment on the black and white.
Well, this morning's show really moved me in a very special way and so here I am writing about that one thing instead of the thing I thought I was going to write about. I'll get to that blog on trust, just not today. I typically go where the spirit leads.
I must have been off my House game because I missed him going to jail. Apparently he ran into a wall with a car and just like him, he didn't hire a lawyer and so now he's in jail. The thing is, House doesn't think he deserves anything good, so jail is a sort of self-imposed prison. I wonder how many of us, live in a self-imposed prison? Not one with real walls, but invisible walls that limits the good things that God has in store for us.
We don't see ourselves as God intended for us to be so we sabotage every chance we get.
I dated a guy, I think he was the love of my life. For Real! For Real! But he could never see himself as God had intended. He spent 20 years in prison. While in prison he earned 92 credit hours. He served his time, got out and couldn't finish 33 hours to receive his BA. Life in prison determined the boundaries of his expectation for himself out of prison. It was easier earning those credits that could never be used than earning credits that required action. He is one of the most brilliant minds I've ever met, but because of the bad he rendered upon his life and others, he doesn't believe he deserves any good. But God is ever redeeming. He's just waiting on you to forgive yourself, just as He has forgiven you.
I wonder how many of us have that prison mentality. We are afraid of failure so we sabotage, relationships, careers and growing in those special gifts we have. We don't think we are good people because, Mama, Daddy and the people we know said so. Or even because we have already had to face failure. So we stay stuck, rather than meeting our full potential.
We even stay in bad relationships because that's all we know. I've known women who have stayed in unhealthy relationships because they had Herpes, HVP or HIV and believed that was all they deserved on one level, and all they could get on another. We are afraid of failure so we don't follow our dreams and on the other side we are also afraid of hard work; The time that is required to make that goodness a reality.
Since I've launched my
bracelet business I've invested hours of time searching for the best gemstones, designing, and all my extra money and some of my bill money in trying to making
RLT Collection a success. Sacrifice is often required to get where we need to be, but on the short end sacrifice seems harder and the pay off too long. Some are even afraid of success, because with success there becomes an expectation. To whom much is given, much is required. Life sometimes seems easiest without excpectations. In prison, you are told what to eat, when to stand and when to sleep. He told be it was like being in a coma; Walking Dead.
But what I love most about House is the dichotomy that he lives. While on one end, he punishes himself, on the other end, he never lets his personal mess interfere with his calling. Yes, in his personal life he is a complete and total mess, but on the other end, he is so totally good at what he does and is willing to take risk. Yes his character is so wonderfully complicated. Risk taking on the one hand and sabotage on the other.
At the pivotal moment in this particular show, he risked going into solitary confinement and his parole to save a life of a fellow inmate. The jailhouse doctor says to him, "Why would you risk it?" He turns and looks her dead in the eye and says, "I have a gift." That stopped me dead in my tracks.
It's a powerful thing to know that you have a gift, it's even more powerful when you are willing to use that gift, no matter what the outcome for you may be. It must be a living hell too know that you have a gift, but are too afraid to use it; To afraid of failure on one end, and success on the other.
What people think of you should not determine in any measure what you do with your gift.
I love House's I don't give a fuck what you think of me attitude, I am who I am, accept me as I was molded by life's journey or not accept me. One thing is for certain, and I know this to be true in my own life, God will make room for your gift, if you are willing to use it.
Yes, this episode of
House had so many life's lessons, whether it is in your personal life or your professional life.
You were created in God's perfect image for a specific purpose on this earth. But first you must see yourself as God intended for you to be, on the one hand and be willing to step into that greatness on the other.
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