When Enough is Enough...

My last few weeks have been crazy, bizarre, difficult, did I say crazy? I was blind sided and it sent me over the cliff. For Real! The last time I wrote a blog I had declared war on my body fat. It took a minute but I got in a groove. I had made it to the gym up to 4 days a week.  I was back to a great routine, working on new bracelet designs, shipping out orders, working on the AIDS ministry at church. I was feeling good and feeling good about myself, then I got hit by a Mack truck. It seemed to all come tumbling down at the same time. I started to get nerve pain in my back. Then I started to feel wiped out and then I though I had an herpes outbreak. Well, it certainly looked like herpes to both me and my doctor.

You know then, it was time to go back on IV medication. I spent my birthday at the doctors, then came home to get the house ready to receive medical supplies and bags of IV medication.

Then Sophie woke up in pain. I rushed her to the vet and she had a decompressed disc. Then the nurse came to get me started on my IV medication and after 3 tries of accessing the port, she gave up. She said in 15 years she has never had a port this difficult to access. Then I had to got back to have the experts look at the port. It took a ton of ex-rays and eventually the attending to access the port

After messing around at the clinic then the hospital  for
8 hours in total, I came home to a very sick baby. I dropped my handbag on the floor and went straight to her pain medication. she was hurting and I was hurting and hurting even more that I had to spend the day at the hospital dealing with this damn port again. Oh, did I say that I had a complete and total melt down at the doctors office before they sent me over to hospital to look inside my port? Thank God for Deacon Erica who called right at the time of the meltdown, then came over to the medical professional building and went over to the hospital with me and stayed until I got registered, 

Sophie wouldn't walk pass the house. Most nights she was up and I was up with her. Nothing worse than a dog full of life being sick. Well, maybe her not being able to talk and tell me where she hurts. Those eyes of pain were a killer, for real.

Then I started IV medication and the side effects started to kick my ass. Then after a few days the port wouldn't flush so back to the hospital. Oh then the home health care nurse quit because she didn't want any liability for the port. So after going back to get the chef of the department to look at the port, which he did and got to work in like 30 seconds, my Infectious disease doctor took me off the IV medication because the herpes culture came back negative.

Now we are thinking that menopause is playing a jacked up game on my vagina! It's red and raw and itches and most days I want to cut it out and sit it on the side of the road.

Then Sophie, my bay girl, needed to go on new medication because week two and she still didn't want to walk. We were up most nights. Me trying to make her better and take care of me at the same time. Bracelet orders got backed up, my spirit began to crash.  Into week 3 and I had had enough. I shut down from the world. I've spent the last 3 days off social media, reading and not interacting with most of the world. I was trying to find the lost me. 

Then last night after 3 long weeks, when we got in bed, Sophie wanted to play with her toy. I of course didn't want to engage the world. Remember I'm still lost.  I just wanted to be sad. I mean she had been so sick. My vagina is still raw and red and my chest is still sore from all the poking; but Sophie insisted that we play with her pink uterus stuff toy.

It was as if Sophie had declared, enough is enough is enough. I got it! God spoke loud and clear through my little angel. So we are getting back to our normal routine. I'm up writing a blog, she's still getting her beauty rest. Which is a wonderful thing to see, because sleep hasn't come easy for her in the last 3 weeks. Bracelets orders will get filled and the gym is my plain sight. Will I get back to my normal over night? No... but if I don't start somewhere, normal will never have a chance.

You see, at the end of the day, there is always a morning. The question is, what will you do with your morning after the storm clears and your midnight has turn into day?

When we wake in the morning we are still a part of God's earthly plan. No matter what you are facing even when your morning feels like midnight, God still has a plan for your life.

The most awesome thing is in God's awesome love, we are blessed with the gift to say enough is enough, in our right now. We might not be able to change our situation in the right now, but you can change how you see your right now.