Valentine Day: Self Love Radiates Out

It Valentine's Day and most people are thinking about what they are going to do, what they are going to get and give, how good the sex will be, or why am I alone on Valentine's Day?

We are all thinking red and I don't mean for AIDS Awareness, but for the symbol of our heart, including me.

It's been years since I've had an actual "date" on Valentine's Day. It's also been a while  since I've laid in a man's arms.

Not because I can't, but because I decided well over 15 years ago that a man who does not appreciate my worth is not worth my vagina.

I'm actually  O. K. with being alone on Valentine's Day. More so than being alone on nights after a long day when I've poured out my at a speaking engagement. After I have given my everything it would be nice to fall into someone's arms and let them take care of me- help to replenish what I've given out.

Now don't get me wrong, it would also be nice to have  a date- a great dinner- great conversation- laughter and a flirt or two across the table. Everyone wants to feel special, appreciated. But then again, we should feel those things for ourselves.  We should have a  baseline of self-love and respect. I know you here Oprah talk about it often but it's true, The Universe gives you back the energy that you give out.

For sure every person wants to feel special, but it shouldn't just be on one day- it should be 365 days a year.  If dinner- a date helps to fuel you, why not arrange date nights more often? Why wait? And why wait on another person. Treat your own self. That's what I do. I treat myself to fine chocolates, I get fresh flowers every week and sometimes I take myself out to dinner. Why expect others to do for you, what you are not willing to do for yourself. Expectation and Deliverance thereof should start with you and flow out to the Universe

 I've got to be honest, its been years since I viewed Valentine's Day from the lenses of the commercial world. I remember the days when I would run out and buy a man a gift no matter how young the relationship, even if things were bad between us. I did it because, well I don't rightly know. LOL Sometimes I would spend my last dime on a gift, and y'all know I got expensive taste. Crazy shit. Thank God I'm not that girl anymore.

Let me tell you in my *auntie voice* No gift at any cost is going to make a man love you. No  amount of sex tonight is going to make a man love you. You can suck his dick until your mouth shrivels and he still may never love you. Shoot a man don't even have to like you, to let you suck his dick.  If you accept him between your legs without standards throughout the year, why should you expect him to do anything different about you on that one day out of the year.

 We should set the standard for how a man treats us and it will easily flow to Valentines Day. Now don't get me wrong. If you just want to get your groove thang on--do it-use a condom- but don't have expectations for something that clearly is not. You can only have peace in your soul when you accept it for what it is. Acceptance is hard, I know, I know, I know. But when you accept it- you  operate in truth.  If you want more for your life then you must give yourself more.

You will never achieve the love you want it, if you continue to clutter your life, your spirit with dead weight.  It all begins with you. Self love starts from within and radiates outward.

Monday Reflection: Set Your Intention- Make Your Goals!

WOW! I honestly cannot believe that it has been two years since I've blogged. *Side Eye* I have no idea what happen in 2017. And guest what, I'm going to beat myself up about it. We are often to hard on ourselves, including me, for no danm good reason. Whatever you did or did not do, that will forever be a part of your past. Even if it happened today, say at 9:00 A. M. -well at 9:01 A. M. that shit was history. Time moved on and so should you.  Stop beating yourself up -it serves no good purpose. But it does destroy the spirit. Whatever lesson you learned, receive it and move the fuck on.

Well, in all of 2018 and so far all of 2019 I've been working on my memoir- Unprotected. I mean really working on my memoir- for real, for real. When I set out last year about this time, to finally get it done, that's exactly what I did.

So where the heck is it you may ask?- glad you asked- I'm still getting it done.  Not beating myself up about it either.

I set my intention well over 25 years ago and I'm reaffirming it every single day. That is- to continue to let God use me- my story to enrich the lives of others. Some of you may say, but you do that already, through speaking, through your use of social media.  You are so right! But I began to explore what was missing from the story and how I deliver it. This is especially true in the #Metoo era. God continued to make clear that the time was right for the fulness of my story. It was time to talk about molestation and it's impact on my life. How HIV fit into the equation.  How one overcomes rejection and abuse. How a child grows up to be told-You ain't never gonna be shit, to turn around and still get 27 years of education with honors.  God said, the story is much bigger than being the first Black woman to tell your story of Living With AIDS on the cover of- Essence.

The Goal then became the memoir- Unprotected, as another way to live God's purpose for my life.  

 Goals are about your future- a desired outcome. Intention is the thing that jumpstarts your goal. It comes from the place of presence. It's the authentic Core of you.

My memoir is the intersection of my life's  purpose and how I live it  each day- my intent each and every day is to be a vessel. I achieve that each and every day through my transparency- living from my soul.

 I reaffirmed my intention - Let God Use Me--and I followed through in every way. Every word that has been typed  is to meet that goal- So many days I became that little girl who survived the trauma. For me it was the only way to achieve the goal.

  Every single thing that I have done for the last 15 months has been about the book. First, you all sent me to Bali, for which I will be forever grateful.

I choose a boutique hotel near the Bali Sea, about an hour  or more away from tourist type stuff. I did that so that I  would have no distractions. My gut told me that being in an environment that was Zen filled was the medicine I needed to start this painful journey of writing this book and I was right.

 Sometimes you have to create a space so that your environment works for you, rather than against you.  I know everyone can't go to Bali but you can create an environment for the life you want to live. Your home for example should be a place where you can breathe. If you share your living space, then your bedroom, the bathroom, find a spot in your house that breaths life into you. I live alone and I don't invite many people into my space-it belongs to me-about me-for me. The world is crazy enough to let all that drama into your life, especially those things that you can control.

That 14 days in Bali gave me the jump start that I needed. I knew that writing this memoir would cause a lot of emotional trauma-- I was right-it has, but there was something about Bali that  said to me you got this. Maybe it was nature, the kindness of the people, especially the Balinese women, honoring God throughout the town every single day. The Australia friend, Tesa  I met who continues to cheer me on.  I just know I came back home ready to work.

The other thing about intention and goals is that you must be willing to follow through. You can create the best possible environment, but if you don't do the work, it will not get done. And every time you make an excuse you are feeding yourself bullshit- it will defeat and that will break you, your spirit and your confidence. There is something to this thing about the energy you put out into the Universe. When you set your intention your goals and you act accordingly the Universe creates more and more space for you to be successful. 

Take last week. For those of you who follow me on Social Media, you know that my fur baby Chloe Chanel had surgery. Thank you for supporting the Go Fund Me to help pay for the surgery. She is recovering just fine, but last week was nothing short of crazy. After the surgery, she wouldn't eat, drink or wee wee. I was going through fur baby Mommie drama. But at the same time I didn't surrender into the madness. I knew if I allowed it, it  would take over my life.  When drama comes, you can't create more drama by giving into the misery. Leave that shit right where it is. Yes, I had to take care of my baby, but I didn't have to make it another emotional issue for me. It is what it is---- Stop creating unnecessary crazy in your life. And by the way, when you create more drama, you remove yourself from the preset moment. Noting get accomplish.

I didn't want to be taken off track.  Once Chloe had her pain medication and was in my arms knocked out, I opened my computer and got to work.  I didn't begrudge the time I couldn't work on the book, or how much I could not got done, instead I just did it. The energy you give is what you get back. Why put the negative into the Universe.

I have one priority other than to take my medication, that's to finish this memoir- so no matter what else pops up in my life, I go back to this goal-this intention. It is as simple as that.

Anything you want for yourself can be accomplished.
Even self improvement.  Let's say your intention is to live a positive in all area of your life. The Goal would be, how you achieve it.

You are at the table where Gossip is happening- talking about people is not positive.

You can participate or you can speak up-- that has nothing to do with me, let's talk about something else. Not there yet, excuse yourself and go to the bathroom.  Go home early.  You cannot control what others do, but you can control what you do, that means even walking away from the people who are not going in the same direction as you.

The more effort you put into not gossiping, the more the Universe will cheer you on.

Staying focused is not always easy. Sometimes it's a change of environment- I leave the house and go places, like the lobby of a nice hotel, it's free. For some reason I work well at Panera, and can't so much in Starbucks. They both play music but I cannot concrete in Starbucks. At Panera, I get me some tea and a scone-- free refills on drinks and they never put you out, unless you're doing the nasty on top of their tables. #Imjustsayin

During this entire process  of writing my memoir my therapist and my psychiatrist have been on this book journey with me-holding my hand- reminding me that I am more than what happened to me. Let me tell you writing about molestation is not easy. You got to relive the story, so that you can tell it, and then you have to get your verbs right.

Some day's it has put me in bed with Chloe shut down, not adulting. But I talk it through in therapy and I go right back. If writing about my uncle molesting me is to much to handle today, it's my book, my rules. I go to another chapter until I can come back to it.

I hope you get the point. Set your intention - set your goal and let everything you do and say, lead you right back when you get off track. Stop making excuses because it only does more damage-it is a hit to your self-esteem. Resolve it- either the time is not right in your life to do whatever it is you want--- or resolve that there is no time like the present.... Set your intention---make goals to achieve it-create the environment to get it done... The Universe is your friend, what you give out will come right back at you.

And another thing, tell the negative committee in your head to shut the fuckup--- it will have you jumping off the Brooklyn Bridge.

Namaste